theladyscribe: Etta Place and Butch Cassidy laughing. (girl!dean)
a subtle sort of brilliance ([personal profile] theladyscribe) wrote in [community profile] avandell2008-12-11 12:27 pm

You may wonder how I love you (when you bug me like you do)

Title: You may wonder how I love you (when you bug me like you do)
Characters: Dean, Sam, human!Impala
Rating: PG
Word Count: 514
Summary: Sure enough, his car is gone, replaced by a tall, extremely hot, black woman who calls herself "Baby."
Notes: Crack. Written as a Christmas gift for [personal profile] neetha. Part of the Bruce Springsteen Fic Project. Title is from "Pink Cadillac."

You may wonder how I love you (when you bug me like you do)

Dean has always kind of wished his car would turn into a human, because, well, it'd be awesome. She'd be the perfect woman – she already knows all his secrets, and he knows hers – and they'd have amazing adventures saving people and hunting things and okay maybe occasionally (always) having amazing sex afterwards. He'd even been totally okay with the part where she'd undoubtedly be the same age as the actual car – making her twelve years older than he is. It'd be like a never-ending Pepsi commercial with Cindy Crawford.

Of course, he didn't think it would ever actually happen. But sure enough, his car is gone, replaced by a tall, extremely hot, black woman who calls herself "Baby." It's like his fantasies in high gear or lightspeed or something. Emphasis on the "or something."

Because Dean's teenage fantasies hadn't included the part where she's like a kid on a sugar high.

"Dean?" She likes saying his name, has said it twenty million times in the two hours that she's been human.


"Dean, will Sam be back soon?"

"Yeah, uh, Baby, soon." God, he hopes Sam will get back soon. Sam will know what to do.

"Good, good." She looks like she's about to ask something else, but right at that moment, Sam comes backs from the library - thank god.

He frowns and says, "Where's the car?"

And then Dean watches as the fact that there is an older woman wearing one of Sam's shirts sitting on the bed registers. His expression would be hilarious if the whole situation weren't so damn unnerving.

"Dean?" It's Sam who says his name this time, and goddammit if one more person says his name, he's going to go postal.

"What?" Dean snaps.

"What's going on?"

Dean shakes his head. "I don't know."

"We seem to have run into a bit of unexpected traffic on the highway," says Baby. "I used to be a 1967 Chevrolet Impala Super-Sport 427 with an automatic transmission 325 horse-power V8 engine, and hydraulic brakes."

"Oh," says Sam.

"We're going to need new transportation," Dean says.

Baby purses her lips thoughtfully and then a sparkplug snaps into place. "I know, Dean," she says. "We could get a pink Cadillac." She follows her suggestion with a ridiculously loud guffaw, like a backfiring engine, that ends with an unladylike snort.

Dean wishes the car had turned into a dog.

"Dean?" He closes his eyes and asks for patience. Even Sam never asked so many questions.


"Dean, do you think Bobby would have a Cadillac? We could paint it pink, and then it'd be just like the song." She pauses. "Or, Dean, it doesn't have to be pink. It could be whatever color you want it to be. Black is nice, Dean." She smiles, thousand-watt lights on bright.

Sam blinks at the woman and starts backing toward the door. "I think, uh, I think I'll go back to the library and see if I can find anything on anthropomorphism."

"Be quick, Sammy." Baby cocks her head like she's about to ask another question. "Please."

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