Things that gave me a jolt--you know, on a personal level: You talked about him managing Kinston and I was like "OMG SOMEONE GOT THE MINORS RIGHT---wait..." lol, remembering who had written the thing.
YOU TOTALLY QUOTED ADAM WARREEEEEEEN. I was reading all the quotes and I was like "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH. MY ADAM????" And then, again, I remembered who had written it ;-) I loooove what you did with the quotes and how you started with "legitimate" ones and mixed them with ones of unknown players or fans or friends. And they're all extremely effective and very nice quotes that go perfectly with the sections.
I LOOOOOOOOVED the part in the middle with the box scores and the news reports and the HILARIOUS fangirly tidbits. (Also, I knew a pitcher once who was openly gay and his significant other was our on-field promotions guy who suddenly appeared when said player did, landed the job, was awesome at it, and then was whisked away again when he got sent up. The player never really outed himself, but everyone pretty much knew.)
I recognize some bits of my boys in this story ;-) I'm glad I could be of service.
Minor nitpicks (you knew this was coming, lol)---it would be the Indians trainers who would respond first, and then the Cleveland medics--other than that I loved the descriptions of his injury. They were really well done. Hilariously, the year you picked for Kinston to be a good team ('05) was the one year they didn't win from '04-'06 (Kinston is always crazy good, however.) They lost in the finals though so yeah, same difference--I just thought that was an amusing coincidence and assumed Jensen was only there for that one year. And '09 is the first season Gwinnett has ever had a minor league team of any kind. Ever. So that threw me a bit, but I went with it too ;-). Also, a Mike Sweeney plays for the Mariners this year but played for Oakland last year--I think you'd want it to be Ryan this season (who is a sexy b).
All in all, I VERY much enjoyed it. You really captured baseball very well and aside from those things nothing really made me stop and say "woah." And even those things didn't really throw me too much. GREAT JOOOOOOOOB!!!!!!!
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You talked about him managing Kinston and I was like "OMG SOMEONE GOT THE MINORS RIGHT---wait..." lol, remembering who had written the thing.
YOU TOTALLY QUOTED ADAM WARREEEEEEEN. I was reading all the quotes and I was like "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH. MY ADAM????" And then, again, I remembered who had written it ;-) I loooove what you did with the quotes and how you started with "legitimate" ones and mixed them with ones of unknown players or fans or friends. And they're all extremely effective and very nice quotes that go perfectly with the sections.
I LOOOOOOOOVED the part in the middle with the box scores and the news reports and the HILARIOUS fangirly tidbits. (Also, I knew a pitcher once who was openly gay and his significant other was our on-field promotions guy who suddenly appeared when said player did, landed the job, was awesome at it, and then was whisked away again when he got sent up. The player never really outed himself, but everyone pretty much knew.)
I recognize some bits of my boys in this story ;-) I'm glad I could be of service.
Minor nitpicks (you knew this was coming, lol)---it would be the Indians trainers who would respond first, and then the Cleveland medics--other than that I loved the descriptions of his injury. They were really well done. Hilariously, the year you picked for Kinston to be a good team ('05) was the one year they didn't win from '04-'06 (Kinston is always crazy good, however.) They lost in the finals though so yeah, same difference--I just thought that was an amusing coincidence and assumed Jensen was only there for that one year. And '09 is the first season Gwinnett has ever had a minor league team of any kind. Ever. So that threw me a bit, but I went with it too ;-). Also, a Mike Sweeney plays for the Mariners this year but played for Oakland last year--I think you'd want it to be Ryan this season (who is a sexy b).
All in all, I VERY much enjoyed it. You really captured baseball very well and aside from those things nothing really made me stop and say "woah." And even those things didn't really throw me too much. GREAT JOOOOOOOOB!!!!!!!