a subtle sort of brilliance (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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avandell2007-12-25 11:02 pm
theladyscribe) wrote in avandell2007-12-25 11:02 pm
Entry tags:
The dice were loaded from the start
Title: The dice were loaded from the start
Characters: Dean, Jo, OFCs (Dean/Jo and Sam/Jo)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1000
Summary: He stands there looking sheepish in her doorway, and she can’t decide whether it would be better to let him in so she can rail at him in private or to slam the door in his face.
Notes: AU. A continuation of Here in this perdition we go on and on, so you should read that first. Title is from “Romeo and Juliet” by The Killers (originally by Dire Straits).
The dice were loaded from the start
6.
He shows up again on one of Jo’s mid-week off-days, and she wonders how it is that he knows her schedule. He stands there looking sheepish in her doorway, and she can’t decide whether it would be better to let him in so she can rail at him in private or to slam the door in his face. She attempts the latter, but he’s too quick and he stops the door, his hand above their heads and gripping the door tightly.
“Go away, Dean,” she grates out.
He doesn’t; he pushes his way inside the house and she prepares herself for the shouting match to come. Instead, he backs her up until she hits something solid (the wall), puts his hands on either side of her body, and leans in for a kiss she tries not to return.
She isn’t sure what this is, what this means. Isn’t sure she really wants to know. She’s pretty certain it’s wrong, whatever it is. He’s her brother-in-law, not her lover, never her husband.
It was wrong the last time, when they were still happily drunk from New Year’s, but now they don’t even have the excuse of wine and jack to blame for their transgressions.
It was wrong the first time, when Sam was gone to Africa all those years ago (before they were married) and Dean was just passing through on his way to his next hunt, when she was lonely and he offered her a warm body for a few nights.
And yet, she can’t find it in herself to care as she’s wrapping her legs around his waist and his hands are fisting in her hair and the next thing she knows he’s walking with her wrapped around him, somehow keeping his balance as he moves through her house to her bedroom. Her body works of its own volition, hands tugging at clothing and lips wandering wherever they can find bare skin, her brain effectively shut off by sensation and desire and overwhelming need.
7.
He lays her down and spreads her out, taking his time and driving her crazy, and it’s so different from the last time that she almost believes he came just to prove he was better when not inebriated.
8.
She feels like she’s failed. Failed Sam, failed her daughters, failed herself. She needs to keep Dean distant, keep him out of their lives – protecting her girls is her priority, it has to be, and keeping Dean from hurting them when he leaves is part of that, and it can’t be done if she keeps letting him do this to her, to them.
She tries to ignore the part of her that knows she needs him gone to protect herself. She’s had too much heartache and hurt already with Sam’s death. And Dean is reckless in a way his brother never was (Dean’s recklessness is the reason his brother is dead, and though neither of them will ever say it out loud, it’s always going to be there, just below the surface).
He needs to leave as soon as he wakes, and she repeats that to herself like a mantra – it’s her lifeline, not letting her settle against his warm side and sink into sleep like she so desperately wants to. She needs him to leave (she wants him to stay), she needs him to leave (she wants him to stay), in and out with each breath she takes, thump-thud with each steady pump of his heart beneath her ear.
9.
She finally gets up and showers while he sleeps, wakes him with the words, “I have to go pick up the girls. Will you still be here when I get back?” Her voice is accusing, but she can’t help it, not really, not when he’s walked out on her time and time again (when Sam was in Africa, when Sam died, at New Year’s).
He sits up, rubs a hand across his face. “Do you want me to be?”
She looks at him, considers his question. “Janey doesn’t smile anymore.”
And it’s the truth; Janey didn’t cry when Jo told her that Dean was gone. She asked when he’d be back, and Jo was forced to say, “I don’t know.” She had to watch her blonde-haired baby girl shut down completely, reverting back to the weeks just after Sam’s death. It made her angry, and she vowed never to let Dean into their lives again. Of course, that wasn’t the only promise to herself she broke today.
He frowns for a moment, emotions warring across his face, and then he makes his decision, as visible across his features as the freckles that dot his cheeks.
“We’ll be back in about twenty minutes. You might want to take the time to put on some clothes.” It comes out harsher than she intends, but she’s not sure whether to apologize so she leaves it, leaves him sitting naked in her bed while she goes to get her girls, already planning to stall in case he changes his mind.
10.
He’s sitting on the couch with a towel around his shoulders and a mug of coffee on the end table when they walk in. Janey’s face erupts into a wide smile and she practically leaps into his arms with a shrieked “Uncle Dean!”
Rose buries her face into her mother’s shoulder, as if she still doesn’t trust the strange man who has entered their lives. But Rosie’s always been that way – Sam was the only man she ever let hold her without screaming her head off, so Jo pays it little mind.
Janey’s already whispering secrets into Dean’s ear, her little hands pulling his head down so she can tell him everything that he’s missed in the few weeks he’s been gone. The way his head is tilted has to be uncomfortable, but he’s smiling, taking in every word, returning the kiss Janey places on his cheek when she’s finally finished.
Epilogue
This time, he stays.
***
Continued in And the history books forgot about us.
Characters: Dean, Jo, OFCs (Dean/Jo and Sam/Jo)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1000
Summary: He stands there looking sheepish in her doorway, and she can’t decide whether it would be better to let him in so she can rail at him in private or to slam the door in his face.
Notes: AU. A continuation of Here in this perdition we go on and on, so you should read that first. Title is from “Romeo and Juliet” by The Killers (originally by Dire Straits).
The dice were loaded from the start
6.
He shows up again on one of Jo’s mid-week off-days, and she wonders how it is that he knows her schedule. He stands there looking sheepish in her doorway, and she can’t decide whether it would be better to let him in so she can rail at him in private or to slam the door in his face. She attempts the latter, but he’s too quick and he stops the door, his hand above their heads and gripping the door tightly.
“Go away, Dean,” she grates out.
He doesn’t; he pushes his way inside the house and she prepares herself for the shouting match to come. Instead, he backs her up until she hits something solid (the wall), puts his hands on either side of her body, and leans in for a kiss she tries not to return.
She isn’t sure what this is, what this means. Isn’t sure she really wants to know. She’s pretty certain it’s wrong, whatever it is. He’s her brother-in-law, not her lover, never her husband.
It was wrong the last time, when they were still happily drunk from New Year’s, but now they don’t even have the excuse of wine and jack to blame for their transgressions.
It was wrong the first time, when Sam was gone to Africa all those years ago (before they were married) and Dean was just passing through on his way to his next hunt, when she was lonely and he offered her a warm body for a few nights.
And yet, she can’t find it in herself to care as she’s wrapping her legs around his waist and his hands are fisting in her hair and the next thing she knows he’s walking with her wrapped around him, somehow keeping his balance as he moves through her house to her bedroom. Her body works of its own volition, hands tugging at clothing and lips wandering wherever they can find bare skin, her brain effectively shut off by sensation and desire and overwhelming need.
7.
He lays her down and spreads her out, taking his time and driving her crazy, and it’s so different from the last time that she almost believes he came just to prove he was better when not inebriated.
8.
She feels like she’s failed. Failed Sam, failed her daughters, failed herself. She needs to keep Dean distant, keep him out of their lives – protecting her girls is her priority, it has to be, and keeping Dean from hurting them when he leaves is part of that, and it can’t be done if she keeps letting him do this to her, to them.
She tries to ignore the part of her that knows she needs him gone to protect herself. She’s had too much heartache and hurt already with Sam’s death. And Dean is reckless in a way his brother never was (Dean’s recklessness is the reason his brother is dead, and though neither of them will ever say it out loud, it’s always going to be there, just below the surface).
He needs to leave as soon as he wakes, and she repeats that to herself like a mantra – it’s her lifeline, not letting her settle against his warm side and sink into sleep like she so desperately wants to. She needs him to leave (she wants him to stay), she needs him to leave (she wants him to stay), in and out with each breath she takes, thump-thud with each steady pump of his heart beneath her ear.
9.
She finally gets up and showers while he sleeps, wakes him with the words, “I have to go pick up the girls. Will you still be here when I get back?” Her voice is accusing, but she can’t help it, not really, not when he’s walked out on her time and time again (when Sam was in Africa, when Sam died, at New Year’s).
He sits up, rubs a hand across his face. “Do you want me to be?”
She looks at him, considers his question. “Janey doesn’t smile anymore.”
And it’s the truth; Janey didn’t cry when Jo told her that Dean was gone. She asked when he’d be back, and Jo was forced to say, “I don’t know.” She had to watch her blonde-haired baby girl shut down completely, reverting back to the weeks just after Sam’s death. It made her angry, and she vowed never to let Dean into their lives again. Of course, that wasn’t the only promise to herself she broke today.
He frowns for a moment, emotions warring across his face, and then he makes his decision, as visible across his features as the freckles that dot his cheeks.
“We’ll be back in about twenty minutes. You might want to take the time to put on some clothes.” It comes out harsher than she intends, but she’s not sure whether to apologize so she leaves it, leaves him sitting naked in her bed while she goes to get her girls, already planning to stall in case he changes his mind.
10.
He’s sitting on the couch with a towel around his shoulders and a mug of coffee on the end table when they walk in. Janey’s face erupts into a wide smile and she practically leaps into his arms with a shrieked “Uncle Dean!”
Rose buries her face into her mother’s shoulder, as if she still doesn’t trust the strange man who has entered their lives. But Rosie’s always been that way – Sam was the only man she ever let hold her without screaming her head off, so Jo pays it little mind.
Janey’s already whispering secrets into Dean’s ear, her little hands pulling his head down so she can tell him everything that he’s missed in the few weeks he’s been gone. The way his head is tilted has to be uncomfortable, but he’s smiling, taking in every word, returning the kiss Janey places on his cheek when she’s finally finished.
Epilogue
This time, he stays.
***
Continued in And the history books forgot about us.
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I went through about five billion drafts of this story. Someday I might be convinced to share the parts that got trashed. ;)
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Does that help? :)
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And the dance between Jo and Dean is beautiful and sad and hot-- the end.
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This just killed me ... it was so perfect. I loved every second of it!!
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And that was one of my favorite lines. :)
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Please tell me she's gonna find out about the little secret and that there will be MORE angst ;)
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I suck at writing sex scenes so I mostly gloss over them, haha. But thanks for the comment!
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or... I just get really uncomfortable writing it. but the glossing was nicely done :)
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Beautiful, darling.
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"She attempts the latter, but he’s too quick and he stops the door, his hand above their heads and gripping the door tightly.
“Go away, Dean,” she grates out.
He doesn’t; he pushes his way inside the house and she prepares herself for the shouting match to come. Instead, he backs her up until she hits something solid (the wall), puts his hands on either side of her body, and leans in for a kiss she tries not to return."
I loved this part particulary... Don't know why...
Something about the imagey that feels very DeanJo I guess...
Thanks muchly for sharing!!
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The epilogue is something I'm really proud of, especially because I wrote out two really long-winded epilogues for the original draft. Fortunately, I scrapped most of that entire story (seriously, the two pieces have almost nothing in common except the characters).
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Dean’s recklessness is the reason his brother is dead, and though neither of them will ever say it out loud, it’s always going to be there, just below the surface Ouch!!! Leave it to you to kill Sam.
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And I've got some blurb-ish type things that take place in the same world, but nothing really concrete. So there might be something one of these days. :)
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it was really well done.
you managed to capture everything so amazingly well.