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avandell2007-03-08 04:34 pm
theladyscribe) wrote in avandell2007-03-08 04:34 pm
Entry tags:
Nothing You Can Say to Make Me Change My Mind (One-Shot)
Title: Nothing You Can Say to Make Me Change My Mind
Characters: Dean, Jo, Sam (no pairing)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 855
Warnings: spoilers for BUaBS, mention of rape, AU
Summary: She knows she should call, to let them know that she’ll be all right eventually (maybe), but it’s been three days and the nightmares have only gotten worse.
Notes: Part three of my dark!fic BUaBS AU, after Keep You from the Gallows Pole and A Face from the Ancient Gallery (read those first or this won’t make any sense). Title from Pink Floyd’s “Goodbye Cruel World.” X-posted a lot.
Keep You From the Gallows Pole | A Face From the Ancient Gallery
Nothing You Can Say to Make Me Change My Mind | All These Places Feel Like Home
In My Hour of Darkness
Nothing You Can Say to Make Me Change My Mind
Sam calls. Jo doesn’t answer, even though she knows she should (she did ask him to call), just lets it go to voicemail so she won’t run the risk of having to talk to Dean. She’s so glad that he refused to take her with him – she doesn’t think she would have been able to handle it if she had gone along.
She doesn’t listen to the message until that night, after she’s scrubbed herself raw from head to toe (three days and six scalding-hot showers later, and she still feels dirty).
“Hey Jo,” and it’s Sam’s calm and soothing voice, the one he probably uses on traumatized victims when the boys are running their cases. “Just calling to let you know we’re safe. You were right, it was possession. Bobby and I – we were able to exorcise it. Dean’s all right now, sleeping at the moment, because I laced his beer with sleeping pills. He was pretty shaken up about it.” He pauses. “I don’t know how much he remembers, Jo. Usually, when people are possessed, they don’t remember a thing. Dean remembers at least some of it, I know, because he was crying out in his sleep last night. If you could – I know you won’t want to, and I understand, but if you could call back sometime, just so Dean knows that you’re okay, that you’ll be okay…” He trails off, as if realizing the futility of what he’s asking. “Bye Jo,” he says suddenly, and the message ends.
She bites her lip, thinking about it. She knows she should call, to let them know that she’ll be all right eventually (maybe), but it’s been three days and the nightmares have only gotten worse with each night, Dean’s voice taunting her with little schoolgirl and my daddy shot your daddy and Jo, I’m sorry, I can’t (that terrified, unfinished sentence), and she just can’t do it.
It’s been a full week since that night, and Sam has called three more times. Jo lets it go to voicemail each time, still unable, still unwilling to risk hearing Dean’s voice, even though she knows it will sound different than it did in the bar.
She thinks about calling and letting it ring, just so Sam’s phone will register her number, so he’ll know that she’s gotten his messages and she’s still alive. She doesn’t do it, of course, but it’s the thought that counts. Right?
Three weeks later, Sam has (thankfully) stopped calling. But more importantly, she’s two weeks late – something that hasn’t happened since she was sixteen and still getting used to her cycles. With a sick feeling of dread, Jo forces herself to go to the pharmacy and buy a pregnancy test. When it comes back positive, Jo sits on the floor of her tiny bathroom and cries.
She should call her mother, she knows, but what would she say? Hi mom, Dean was possessed and raped me, and now I’m pregnant. She would be lucky if Ellen did not hunt the boys down and shoot them both, even though neither was at fault. She probably should also call the boys, but she can’t bring herself to do that, either. She doesn’t know what they would say – if they would help her or just leave well enough alone. She decides not to call them; the guilt would eat Dean alive, she’s sure, and she thinks that would be far worse than telling her mother.
Instead she packs what few belongings she has – her father’s knife, her journals, a gun – and pays the last of the rent on her apartment. The next morning, she’s driving away from Duluth, headed nowhere fast, with nothing left to lose.
Six months later, Jo’s got a job at a café in Chicago, near the University. It doesn’t pay much, but it’s enough for the rent on a tiny apartment nearby. She’s left the hunting community completely, though she still sends postcards to her mother to let her know she’s still alive. She wonders sometimes how the boys are doing. If she were being honest, she’d say that she thinks about them almost constantly, wonders if they’ll just show up and take her with them, but she can’t allow herself that weakness, especially not with a child on the way. Perhaps she can be excused, then, for thinking that she sees the Impala one night as she’s walking home from work. She saw it – thought she saw it – out of the corner of her eye, but she blinked and turned to look at it and it was gone.
Three more months pass, and it’s November – almost the dead of winter in Chicago. Jo checks herself into a hospital – the contractions have just started, but she’s not taking any chances in this weather.
Thirteen long and painful hours later, Jo is more exhausted than she’s ever been in her life. The nurses all smile and coo over what a pretty little girl she has as they clean her up. They finally hand little Glory Ann back to her mother who smiles sadly and says, “She has her father’s eyes.”
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A/N: So I’m a big fat liar who can’t seem to leave this AU well enough alone. But I felt like I owed it to Jo to have her own thoughts about the whole Duluth debacle. So. I think she handled it a bit better than Dean did. Possibly the best of the three of them, actually.
Also, as far as this fic series is concerned, Born Under a Bad Sign took place in February sometime. I guessed as best I could, considering the distinct lack of timeline in Supernatural. I figured since Houses of the Holy obviously took place sometime in January, Born Under a Bad Sign took place in mid-February.
And I’ll tell you right now, that I’m not quite finished with this ‘verse. There’s one last piece I need to finish, because Duluth affected four people: Sam, Dean, Jo, and little Glory Ann. So yeah, I’m writing a futurefic.
Lyrics to “Goodbye Cruel World”:
Goodbye cruel world
I'm leaving you today
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye all you people
There's nothing you can say
To make me change
My mind
Goodbye.
Characters: Dean, Jo, Sam (no pairing)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 855
Warnings: spoilers for BUaBS, mention of rape, AU
Summary: She knows she should call, to let them know that she’ll be all right eventually (maybe), but it’s been three days and the nightmares have only gotten worse.
Notes: Part three of my dark!fic BUaBS AU, after Keep You from the Gallows Pole and A Face from the Ancient Gallery (read those first or this won’t make any sense). Title from Pink Floyd’s “Goodbye Cruel World.” X-posted a lot.
Keep You From the Gallows Pole | A Face From the Ancient Gallery
Nothing You Can Say to Make Me Change My Mind | All These Places Feel Like Home
In My Hour of Darkness
Nothing You Can Say to Make Me Change My Mind
Sam calls. Jo doesn’t answer, even though she knows she should (she did ask him to call), just lets it go to voicemail so she won’t run the risk of having to talk to Dean. She’s so glad that he refused to take her with him – she doesn’t think she would have been able to handle it if she had gone along.
She doesn’t listen to the message until that night, after she’s scrubbed herself raw from head to toe (three days and six scalding-hot showers later, and she still feels dirty).
“Hey Jo,” and it’s Sam’s calm and soothing voice, the one he probably uses on traumatized victims when the boys are running their cases. “Just calling to let you know we’re safe. You were right, it was possession. Bobby and I – we were able to exorcise it. Dean’s all right now, sleeping at the moment, because I laced his beer with sleeping pills. He was pretty shaken up about it.” He pauses. “I don’t know how much he remembers, Jo. Usually, when people are possessed, they don’t remember a thing. Dean remembers at least some of it, I know, because he was crying out in his sleep last night. If you could – I know you won’t want to, and I understand, but if you could call back sometime, just so Dean knows that you’re okay, that you’ll be okay…” He trails off, as if realizing the futility of what he’s asking. “Bye Jo,” he says suddenly, and the message ends.
She bites her lip, thinking about it. She knows she should call, to let them know that she’ll be all right eventually (maybe), but it’s been three days and the nightmares have only gotten worse with each night, Dean’s voice taunting her with little schoolgirl and my daddy shot your daddy and Jo, I’m sorry, I can’t (that terrified, unfinished sentence), and she just can’t do it.
It’s been a full week since that night, and Sam has called three more times. Jo lets it go to voicemail each time, still unable, still unwilling to risk hearing Dean’s voice, even though she knows it will sound different than it did in the bar.
She thinks about calling and letting it ring, just so Sam’s phone will register her number, so he’ll know that she’s gotten his messages and she’s still alive. She doesn’t do it, of course, but it’s the thought that counts. Right?
Three weeks later, Sam has (thankfully) stopped calling. But more importantly, she’s two weeks late – something that hasn’t happened since she was sixteen and still getting used to her cycles. With a sick feeling of dread, Jo forces herself to go to the pharmacy and buy a pregnancy test. When it comes back positive, Jo sits on the floor of her tiny bathroom and cries.
She should call her mother, she knows, but what would she say? Hi mom, Dean was possessed and raped me, and now I’m pregnant. She would be lucky if Ellen did not hunt the boys down and shoot them both, even though neither was at fault. She probably should also call the boys, but she can’t bring herself to do that, either. She doesn’t know what they would say – if they would help her or just leave well enough alone. She decides not to call them; the guilt would eat Dean alive, she’s sure, and she thinks that would be far worse than telling her mother.
Instead she packs what few belongings she has – her father’s knife, her journals, a gun – and pays the last of the rent on her apartment. The next morning, she’s driving away from Duluth, headed nowhere fast, with nothing left to lose.
Six months later, Jo’s got a job at a café in Chicago, near the University. It doesn’t pay much, but it’s enough for the rent on a tiny apartment nearby. She’s left the hunting community completely, though she still sends postcards to her mother to let her know she’s still alive. She wonders sometimes how the boys are doing. If she were being honest, she’d say that she thinks about them almost constantly, wonders if they’ll just show up and take her with them, but she can’t allow herself that weakness, especially not with a child on the way. Perhaps she can be excused, then, for thinking that she sees the Impala one night as she’s walking home from work. She saw it – thought she saw it – out of the corner of her eye, but she blinked and turned to look at it and it was gone.
Three more months pass, and it’s November – almost the dead of winter in Chicago. Jo checks herself into a hospital – the contractions have just started, but she’s not taking any chances in this weather.
Thirteen long and painful hours later, Jo is more exhausted than she’s ever been in her life. The nurses all smile and coo over what a pretty little girl she has as they clean her up. They finally hand little Glory Ann back to her mother who smiles sadly and says, “She has her father’s eyes.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: So I’m a big fat liar who can’t seem to leave this AU well enough alone. But I felt like I owed it to Jo to have her own thoughts about the whole Duluth debacle. So. I think she handled it a bit better than Dean did. Possibly the best of the three of them, actually.
Also, as far as this fic series is concerned, Born Under a Bad Sign took place in February sometime. I guessed as best I could, considering the distinct lack of timeline in Supernatural. I figured since Houses of the Holy obviously took place sometime in January, Born Under a Bad Sign took place in mid-February.
And I’ll tell you right now, that I’m not quite finished with this ‘verse. There’s one last piece I need to finish, because Duluth affected four people: Sam, Dean, Jo, and little Glory Ann. So yeah, I’m writing a futurefic.
Lyrics to “Goodbye Cruel World”:
Goodbye cruel world
I'm leaving you today
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye all you people
There's nothing you can say
To make me change
My mind
Goodbye.
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I really felt bad for Jo. After all that happened only to find out it's still not really over? She handled it amazingly well. The end was really sweet, though. I'm really looking forward to this future fic! Like how Dean finds out, how he is with little Glory Ann (cute name, btw), how he and Jo cope with what happened... should be great to see where you take things next. :)
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I'm a sucker for dark!angst
I am too, especially in SPN. It's just so *good* and it's so easy to find well-written angst in this fandom. I love it.
As for Jo, I wanted her to take it fairly well. She's strong - a lot stronger than most people give her credit for. And you'll find out a little more about how she deals with it in the next installment (as well as how Dean copes with the news that he has a little girl...).
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Thanks for the review!
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*sigh* Though now I need to go look for some fluffy wedding!fic to console myself. ;)
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It was really important to me to make sure that Jo handled it well, especially since, well, you'll see. ;)
And the next fic I'm planning to post will be happy - I promise.
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For the record, you have placed Jo in what I would consider the potentially worst situation for a rape survivor — and her dealing with the ramifications are relevant issues for anyone. I really liked the way you tied that into the story, because it really does ground the piece (albiet unhappily).
Lovely, lovely piece.
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I think I struggled most with this piece out of the four written for this mini-verse (story number four is still incomplete and yet to be posted) - the others all practically wrote themselves, but this one was difficult. For a little while, I really did toy with the idea that Jo would have an abortion, but I realized that that would probably kill her (and maybe Dean) emotionally - far more than keeping the child would.
As I mentioned in replies to other people, I wanted Jo to be strong about this. It's kind of become my goal when writing her: keep her strong, keep her shrewd, and keep her real. It's why she doesn't call her mother (because Ellen would absolutely freak) and also why she doesn't call the boys (who, at this point, wouldn't be able to live with the guilt). I wanted it to be clear that she knew that - that she understood what the whole ordeal could do/had done to Dean.
As for that last line... Well, Jo knows what happened. She knows Dean was possessed, and she can't hate him for something he couldn't control (she really has grown up since the events of No Exit). And she's going to love her little girl who's got her father's eyes.
(And I'm gonna make myself start crying if I don't shut up.)
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I think that was the hardest part for me to read, specifically because you know her own emotions for him are tied up into the whole thing somewhere. To be so hurt by something inside of the body of someone you loved. It was very heartbreaking...
You did a lovely job keeping Jo real.
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(Anonymous) 2007-03-19 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)And i dont think you should end this FF. I say keep it going :D
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(Anonymous) 2007-03-20 12:38 am (UTC)(link)Dont leave us! *wibbles*
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I hated how Jo came off in No Exit - she was badly written and it made her seem weak, even when she fought against HH freaking Holmes. Then BUaBS came, and she was on her own and seemed much more mature. Whenever I write Jo (even in other 'verses), I always try to capture her strength in adversity. I'm glad to know I succeeded.
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